DYINGSCENE;

11 April 2013 @ 08:28 pm

This is the worst thing that you have ever done.

Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.
- Into The Wild (2007), Christopher McCandless

FRIENDS ONLY FROM THIS POINT ON.

I've grown bored with knowing that people can see my posts. This boredom was substituted with confusion when I started logging the IP addresses that access this LiveJournal on March 29, 2008. With an large number of those IPs being local, I just can't bring myself to be honest about things on my own journal.

This means that I have finally decided to make this journal friends only. Very few posts from now on will be public. I will keep my Twitter updated with all small public posts. You can check that, mister/miss "I check your LiveJournal ten times a day." Yeah, Charter isn't such bad internet.. Is it, also a Charter cable internet user?

In conclusion, you won't be finding any new posts unless you have a LiveJournal account, have added me, have commented on this entry (excluding LiveJournal friends I currently have), and I have added you back. For public updates, check my Twitter.

It's been fun, lurch.

Tags: !public, !sticky, ips, twitter

Current Mood:

disappointed

Current Music: finch.

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09 April 2008 @ 05:31 pm

I'm fucking moving to Canada, fuck this shit.

( i ♥ Cyanide & Happiness )

The health insurance that I got is apparently crap. It doesn't cover 'specialist' visits for 12 months and even after 12 months we don't think that it covers gyeno. Sweeet. I can deal with that, I only go once a year. (I have to pay $128 for the visit) Annnnd I guess I could get appointments at the health department and pay $13-ish for that visit. But what's the point of having insurance if I have to go to the fucking health department and lie and tell them that I don't have insurance? You know what is even SWEETER? This insurance doesn't cover my birth control pills AT ALL. hahahahaha. What the fuck is this, amish health insurance? So I will continue to pay $50 a month! Oh yay. So my parents are paying $65/mo for something that doesn't even do anything. That's great. Really. Uh huh. What's the point in paying for something that doesn't do shit?

I'm going with mom on Saturday to see some country singer called Sammy Kershaw. I got free tickets from the Civic Center because of my scholarship. I am seriously a sweet daughter, seriously you guys!

Sunday is Billy's 15th birthday. No one has any idea on what to get him (I already have what I'm giving him) and when anyone asks him what he wants, he just replies, "nothing."

Mom and I watched Lars And The Real Girl yesterday. Ryan Gosling can really pull off that 'stache, yo.

He was so awkward in the movie, but I found it cute because I'm a creep. And whoever rated this as a fucking comedy is ridiculous. I ALMOST CRIED OVER A SEX DOLL 'DYING.' WTF.

I have a flat tire on my car and my inspection is run out. Bahhh~

Tags: !public, billy, birthday, car problems, cyanide & happiness, gyeno, health insurance, money, movies, show

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09 April 2008 @ 03:42 am

!STICKY: TO DO

Today	/etc
Make Bed Vacuum Shower Package Sims: diane, carl, wayne, sandy, clay, bendy ~~Send nanny screenshots of sims~~ Clean up computer cds dvds unwanted programs Listen to Twilight	Movies: Atonement, 21, Juno, Into The Wild, Death Note /etc Anime: Ayashi No Ceres (6), Death Note(13), Sailor Moon(4) Read Fight Club Read Death Note (chap 1)

Tags: !private, !sticky, lists

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07 April 2008 @ 11:01 pm

Who could stand veins with friends like these?

I have my yearly gynecologist appointment tomorrow. YUCK. I really dread going because last time I went they switched my doctor, a strange indian woman who could barely speak english, for a middle aged creepy looking guy.

I fucking loooooooove Finch.

I hate how my mouth always tastes like blood.

Okay. I'm going to go watch Horton Hears A Who. Hopefully, Lars and the Real Girl will be loaded before I get too tired.

My icon is cute. :]

Tags: !public, gyeno, movies

Current Mood:

confused

Current Music: finch.

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06 April 2008 @ 11:05 pm

I don't get people.

1. I might be the queen of pissing people off, but I'm not a slut.
2. [Name here] do you have to be such a fucking creep?
3. [Someone completely different], I'm sorry if I pissed you off. I didn't mean to. I'm a piece of shit, sorry.
4. Before starting drama, girl that I don't know, maybe you should check the person who is the reason you're so jealous out a bit more. Hate to tell you, but he's not a one person relationship kind of guy. I feel sorry for you.
5. Weird IP that keeps checking my MySpace and Livejournal like OBSESSIVELY, quit it. Goddang.

Tags: !disabled comments, !public

05 April 2008 @ 07:09 pm

O I C WUT U DID THAR / I C U LURKIN', LURCH

I am so sneaky that it is hilarious. Yus yus!

Last month I added a 'stat counter' thinger to my MySpace and my Livejournal. It is invisible and logs IP addresses. The weirdness of it is that the website that gives me my IPs is incorrect on locations. Example: Click here for a screenshot of my Livejournal stats. Notice that the first, second, third, sixth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, and last IPs all say that the person is located in Greenville, South Carolina. Buuuut when you glance at their IP address, it gives them away. "HCKR" = Hickory. Hickory = not in South Carolina. I got curious and looked up this IP. IPGP.net says Hickory. But another website says Morganton, gives me the latitude and longitude of their location, and gives me a google map. Yarrr~

I'm a total dork for finding this little thing nifty, but oh well. You should look up your IP so I can tell you how much you lurk, you lurker! I'm kidding. But seriously, one of you guys gives me like twenty hits a day on my Livejournal. Do you just sit there and refresh?

Here's a screen for my MySpace account: MySpace in case you're curious! (which I doubt)

Also how do you explain to your grandmother that 'hanging out' doesn't mean a date? I tried, but I think I failed.

I hung out with Elliott today. We sat at my house for a few minutes and then rode around Lenoir in his new car. We stopped at Blockbuster and rented Underworld. Then we went to Wal-Mart where we just sat in his car in the parking lot, watched some weird people walk up and down the road, and talked for a while. After, we went back to my house and watched Underworld in the living room. He left after the movie to go out to eat for his birthday.

I'm fucking pooped. It's eight o'clock and I just want to go to bed. I don't understand my body. I can't seem to function on eight hours of sleep like everyone else. I guess I have the lazy disease, OH NOES YEW GUIZ!!!!!

[edit] DEAR HUNTER ARE COMING TO NORTH CAROLINA! :D (May 8 2008 7:30P - The Soapbox Laundrolounge Wilmington, North Carolina)

Tags: !edit, !locked, elliott, ips, show, sleeping problems

Current Music: brand new.

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05 April 2008 @ 01:12 am

I will never ask if you don't ever tell me

(I know you well enough to know you never loved me)

GODDAMMIT I SHOULD JUST FUCK EVERYTHING THAT MOVES.

I refuse to put myself through the same cycle again. He wasn't the first to lie to me, to cheat on me, to be completely fake. He wasn't the first that I thought that I had loved and then it took being a part to realize that I dislike every fucking part of him.

I don't want "he didn't call, he said he would," "he doesn't talk to me," "he says I can't talk to you anymore," blah blah blah. I honestly don't think I need a relationship for a long ass fucking time. I reaaaaaaaaally don't. I'm too fucked up, I'm too screwed. I'm making myself cry for no goddamn fucking reason. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF WASTING MY TIME ON SOMEONE WORTHLESS, SELFISH, AND UNCARING.

And to be completely and totally honest, I am fucking terrified of starting over with someone new. I hate how it just turned out that I realized that I knew nothing about the person I spent three years with.

I feel disgusting, ugly, uninteresting, stupid. I just feel like picking my skin a part. No, I don't mean that, I don't mean I want to cut. I just want to cut the last three years out of my life. I want to erase everything. And from experience, I know that if I wanted to really forget, I should just move on to another person (who would eventually fuck me over). This situation worked for forgetting everything about Person A by meeting and learning things about Person B. Now I fucking hate Person B and how everything in my life contains a memory of them. I just dislike the thought of adding a Person C in to the mix and having to get to know them, to get over the shyness.

Relationships are fucking bullshit. I'll be a fucking cat lady before I fall for stupid bullshit lies. OH I LOVE YOU OH I LOVE YOU CRY CRY CRY. NO YOU FUCKING DON'T.

Just ignore this post. I'm just rolling in a pile of self-pity tonight, making my eyes nice and puffy for a tomorrow.

I have GOT to introduce some fucking change into my life. I CAN NOT WAIT FOR FALL SEMESTER.

Tags: !locked, lyrics, sadsadsad

Current Mood:

cold

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02 April 2008 @ 03:05 am

WANNA GET THE SEXIEST BABE PICTURES ON YER CELL?!

I didn't get to have a bitchin' April Fools joke. FUCK. :[

I just watched two of the weirdest movies ever with nanny. Incubus and Mr. Wrong. Incubus: Tara Reid and lots of horror movie stupidity; Mr. Wrong: Ellen Degeneres playing a straight role and smooching guys. Yeahhhhhh.

I'm staying at Nanny's tonight. I can access my wifi here. haha. Well, only near the kitchen/fireplace. So I'm sitting on the fireplace in a horribly uncomfortable position facing the kitchen. Ahhh my legs are going to snnnnnnaaaaap.

Okay. ~~Bed~~Couchtime. :]

Tags: !public, movies, nanny

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31 March 2008 @ 09:46 pm

:[

Not going to see Say Anything. :[ :[ :[
Our ride decided to wait until now to tell us that he's not going.
:[ :[ :[ :[

Tags: !public, disappointment, show

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30 March 2008 @ 03:36 pm

Sluts and money rule the world.

Sleeping all day in a big bed all alone makes me feel like a total waste. Yuck. Sleeping all day with someone else isn't half as bad.

So I won't be going to the Matches show unless I have my license and I drive myself. Which I can't see myself going to a show that is like 2342342 miles away by myself. I doubt I would have the $20 to fork up either, which blows. But anyway, Elliott has some school thing that day and can't go with me.

FUCK, I thought the Say Anything show was Friday. Instead it's Wednesday. I thought my dad would get another direct deposit check so I could order my ticket. Ferk.

I hate money. >:|

[edit] Fuck it. I'm going to see Say Anything again even if I have to sell my soul. I have to hear Max sing:

You know I still know how, how much your love costs (alright)
You know when I peel back your layered lip gloss (alright)
You know I still know how to fuck your eyes crossed (alright)
It's your loss, It's your loss.

Tags: !edit, !public, lyrics, money, show

Current Mood:

frustrated

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29 March 2008 @ 10:43 pm

I just might FUCK YOU enough to LOVE YOU.

Did you know? Slutty girls > non-slutty girls! :O!

Also..

Did you know? If you're a MySpace freak with a "private" profile, you request to add me and I add you, as soon as I add you I look at your friends to see if I know any of them. And if there are nosy, stupid skanks who talk shit on there, I will delete you? Woooooow!

PEOPLE ARE FUCKING RIDICULOUS!

[edit] I want nothing more right now than to just pick up what's left of my life and start completely over somewhere entirely new. I've said before, but I honestly can't see a reason (other than my family) to stay here. Everyone I've ever met (mostly) has been uncovered to be a lying, cheating, selfish, cowardly sack of fucking shit. Apparently it is very difficult for people to be honest. Apparently it's hard to not be a complete moron and a coward. And apparently having a "long term" relationship with someone means nothing to anyone.

Fuck people. Fuck relationships. Fuck friendships. You will all get what you deserve. Karma will bite you in the ass, you cock suckers.

Tags: !edit, !public, did you know

Current Mood:

annoyed

Current Music: [tv] spongebob.

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28 March 2008 @ 11:04 pm

Number two: it's a tranny!

eHarmony commericals make me laugh. Yeah.

I helped mom take down our vinyl pool today. She cut the liner to fit the pond and cleaned it out and put the new liner in. Now we're going to get fishies to put in there. :D I tried to get these little seed pod things out of the yard today, but I totally failed. There were way too many and I was getting a blister on my hand from raking.

Comedy Central has Comedy Central Presents on all night. :D Yeyy~ Well, until like 1. But I'll be passed out by then since I only got like two hours of sleep.

Dad has been on the phone since he came home from work. It's freakin' annoying. And I love watching him on the phone because he'll get a beep and he won't press 'FLASH' to switch to the other line, he'll just hang up and he takes forever to hang up. And then he'll sit there, starring at the phone expecting it to ring. ;asfj;sanwinapiemx!

I caught a bad ass orange salamander in a mason jar out of the pond today. I'm going to put it in the little creek behind the house that paw is going to rent out.

Tags: !public, dad, mom, phone, pond, pool

Current Mood:

hungry & tired

Current Music: [tv] comedy central presents: steve byrne

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28 March 2008 @ 01:47 am

I have no heart, I sold my soul

I hate being lonely.

Tags: !disabled comments, !public

27 March 2008 @ 06:36 pm

swallow this.

I have a new love:

It's like an orgasm in a can. And although it makes my stomach hurt (probably because of the milk in it), I love love love it. :3 I dislike energy drinks, but coffee energy drinks are freakin' bad ass.

I finally finished John Saul's The Blackstone Chronicles the other night. It ended weird and I figured out who the "mysterious figure" was before the third book. It wasn't really a let down because I enjoyed the gore. I'm going to attempt Stephen King's The Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger next since I checked out at the library. I don't know if it will be my cup of tea, but oh well.

It's really warm outside today. :O I didn't even have to wear a hoodie! Yayyyy~

My second hole in my ear is bugging the crap out of me and I'm not sure why. I had to take my earrings out in the store today because they were itchy/burning. Maybe its because I've been wearing cheap earrings. I'm assuming that's the problem because they've been healed for well over a year. And I bet the minerals in our water is bugging it too because if I don't clean my earrings regularly the backs turn this blueish green.

I might be a bad friend and a horrible girlfriend, but I'm a kick ass big sister! I downloaded Full Metal Alchemist the movie: Conqueror Of Shamballa and the full version of RPG Maker for Billy for his birthday. His birthday isn't even until like the middle of April. haha

Tags: !public, billy, birthday, books, download, piercing, weather

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27 March 2008 @ 04:25 am

PRIVATE: IMAGE DUMP: Icons and stuff

Tags: !private, lists

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26 March 2008 @ 04:37 pm

Eat, sleep, fuck, and flee; in four words that's me

I need new livejournal icons. Srsly.

So yesterday I attempted to go through all my old entries on this journal and tag them. Bwahahaha, what an insane task. I didn't accomplish it at all. I've had this journal since 2006. Weird. I didn't know that. No wonder why I was tempted to get a new one. I hate this username. Fifteen bucks for a rename token is too much. Especially with all the bullshit Livejournal has been pulling lately.

I went back to the very first post.

This journal is 80% friends only. The things dealing with most of my personal life will be friends only, so you'll have to add me to be able to read those entries. I got tired of people lurking and reading my stuff. :]

Uh yeah. That didn't last long, did it? I'm thinking about going completely 'frends only,' meaning you have to have a livejournal account and add me as a friend and I have to add you back for you to be able to see my crap.

I'm tired of weirdos talking to me. People I've never met pressuring me to hangout with them.

Anyway, my lips are chapped. I'm hungry. And people are total crap!

OH OH OH! Look at what today's word of the day is!